Showbiz Speed Demon Jason Priestley Moving On

SELLER: Jason Priestley and Naomi Lowde-Priestley
LOCATION: Toluca Lake, CA
PRICE: $2,100,000
SIZE: 3,266 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Canadian born actor/director/producer/race car driver Jason Priestley burst on to the Tinseltown scene in 1990 as the whip smart and fresh-faced high school cutie Brandon Walsh on Beverly Hills, 90210. We're talking, hunnies, the original 90210, the one that launched the showbiz careers (and "careers") of folks like Tori Spelling, Shannen Doherty, Ian Ziering, Brian Austin Green, Luke Perry, Jennie Garth, and Tiffani (Amber) Thiessen.

Although he will always be Peach Pit denizen Brandon Walsh to the gajillions of 30-, 40- and 50-something year old fans who gathered in giddy groups for Beverly Hills, 90210 viewing parties, since that shows demise in 2000 Mister Priestley has gone on to appear in a long list of quirky films (Love and Death on Long Island, Die Mommie, Die!) and lesser successful television programs (Tru Calling, Love Monkey, Call Me Fitz). Mister Priestley also has substantial experience behind the cameras as a director and producer (Beverly Hills 90210, The Secret Life of the American Teenager, The Lake, Call Me Fitz).

In May 2005 Mister Priestley married for the second time to make-up artist Naomi Lowde whose credits include such television treats as Dance Your Ass Off, Your Mama Don't Dance and various awards programs. Together they have two small children.

A little celebrity real estate birdie came chirp-chirp-chirpin' along the other day and told Your Mama that Mister and Missus Priestley have had their mock-Med in the affluent family friendly Toluca Lake area of Los Angeles quietly on the market for a little while and that this week they hoisted the house on to the open market with an asking price of $2,100,000.

Property records reveal that Mister and Missus Priestley purchased the gated Mediterranean-style mini-mansion in May 2007 for $2,140,000. It does not take a genius or much clicking and clacking of the well-worn beads on Your Mama's bejeweled abacus to see that even with a full price sale the Priestleys are looking at a $40,000 loss plus carry costs and real estate fees. Considering they purchased the house just before all hell broke loose in the mortgage and real estate industries causing home prices to plummet, a forty thousand dollar loss would be pretty damn good.

Listing information shows the Priestley's pad, built in 1990 on a puny not-quite-one-sixth-acre lot and extensively remodeled in 2005, contains a total of 3 bedrooms and 3.5 bathrooms in 3,266 square feet. Now puppies, have some sense here and recognize that Your Mama does not know a butcher knife from a bowl of grapes so we really haven't any idea what motivated Mister and Missus Priestley's decision to sell up their house in Toluca Lake but, since each of the home's three bedrooms are now occupied and there's no room left for a live-in nanny, another child or visiting grandparents, we're guessing they want something a little bigger and with a bit more back yard space for the ruggers.

The house, somewhat shielded from view by a row of trees and protected by a concrete and metal wall, sits hard up on the street with but a sliver of front yard space. An electronic gate slides open to a short driveway that holds two cars and attached two car garage with convenient direct entry. A short stone walkway crosses the courtyard style front yard and connects the driveway to the double front doors that swing open into a cavernous double height entrance hall meant to impresses guests with Parquet de Versailles style wood floor and a soaring peaked ceiling with exposed wood beams. Not so impressive to Your Mama–although probably dear to Mister and/or Missus Priestley–is the over-sized painting of a French bull dog smoking a cigar that hangs prominently in the space.

Also hanging prominently in the entrance hall above a set of French doors that lead into the not particularly formal "formal" living room is a gigantic, nearly life-sized wood carving of Jesus hanging on the cross. Make of that what you will, puppies, because Your Mama's not touching that one with a ten foot pole.

The Priestley's curious collection of artworks continues into the not very "formal" living room where there's more Parquet de Versailles flooring, a stone-faced fireplace, rugged exposed wood beam ceiling, and a disturbing version of Grant Wood's American Gothic in which the hardscrabble farm wife is–you got it–smoking on a big fat cigar.

The home's other public entertainment areas include a formal dining room that Your Mama thinks is done up with a sort of day-core that is–quite frankly–far too faux-glam for a house with multiple paintings of people and animals smoking cigars, a family room with massive built-in entertainment center, and a sizable center-island eat-in kitchen with Mexican paver tile floor, custom cabinetry topped by boring black granite counter tops, high-grade appliances and a walk-in pantry. The kitchen, dining and family rooms all open through a long row of French doors to the deep veranda that runs along the back of the house.

A voluminous loft/den/playroom at the top of the stairs receives abundant natural light through a pair of arched windows and an over-sized oculus. The fully carpeted space divides the second floor into two wings On one side two generously proportioned family bedrooms each offer occupants private bathing and terliting facilities. On the other side the discrete master bedroom provides homeowners with an exposed wood vaulted ceiling, a row of arched windows, stone-faced fireplace (with flat screen tee-vee hung on the chimney breast), sizable walk-in closet and a swank, Parisian-style bathroom with built-in linen and toiletry cabinets, twin sinks, soaking tub for two, and a glassed in steam shower with multiple shower heads.

Stone floors–the same as was used at the the front of the house–add an element of elegant rusticity and old-school Hollywood glamour to the arched colonnade that runs along the entire width of the back of the house on the ground floor. The deep veranda–which we l.o.v.e. even though it's whimpering pitifully for larger and more aspirational light fixtures–is divided into various utilities that include a dining area furnished with a chunky outdoor dining table set for ten and a sitting space where the Priestley's have an unusually tiny tee-vee mounted to the wall. Wide archways mimic the arched French doors and windows installed throughout house and frame views of the not particularly spacious backyard where thick foliage and mature trees surround a small patch of grass, built-in barbecue center, and a classic kidney shaped swimming pool with circular spa.

The Priestley residence occupies an undeniably tiny lot in an area of upscale Toluca Lake where some of the other high profile peeps who own property nearby include Desperate Housewives creator Marc Cherry, newly svelte uni-named actress/singer Raven-Symoné (The Cosby Show, Hangin' with Mr. Cooper, That's So Raven), and the forever fab Emmy winner Swoosie Kurtz (Mike & Molly, Pushing Daisies, Huff, Sisters).

In July 2002 Mister Priestly paid $995,000 for a Mediterranean style house that roosts high above the street in the star-stocked Outpost Estates community located in the foothills above Hollywood. The dare devilish speed demon sold the house in May 2007 for $1,902,000 to Dallas Cowboys cheerleader turned actress Jill Marie Jones (Gillian in Georgia, Girlfriends). Within two years Miss Jones had the house back on the market with a $1,999,000 price tag. It only took Miss Jones about 7 months to sell the 3,550 square foot house but–for reasons entirely unknown to Your Mama–she sold the property in September (2009) as short sale for $1,493,000 to a couple who toil behind the movie and television cameras.

listing photos: Rodeo Realty

Lauren Conrad Lists at Slight Loss

Back in early 2008, reality television star turned fashion designer Lauren Conrad (The Hills) shelled out $2,360,000 for a 3 bedoom and 2.5 bathroom Spanish style casa in Los Angeles, CA with a two-car detached garage converted into a guesthouse with private bathroom where frenemy Adrina Patridge once lived. They were frenemys, right?

Anyhoo, it wasn't long after than her neighbors began to have hissy fits about the frequent disruptions caused by both the filming for Miss Conrad's boob toob program and the stream of tourist buses and sightseeing vans that now roll by at all hours of the day. At that time The Hills was still at the apex of its success, with near constant–and probably mostly faux–cat fights and altercations between the casually but meticulously coiffured "stars."

Miss Conrad left the The Hills–we're not sure nor do we care to find out if it's still airing–wrote some books and launched a few clothing lines. She also, as per gossip juggernaut TMZ, recently put her perfectly charming and expensively updated Spanish style casa on the market for $2,250,000.

Back in 2009 Miss Conrad moved from her house to a condo in Westwood that she felt offered better security. Apparently there were dumb-ass fans who would actually climb over the walls and fences around her house. Now, puppies, we realize that we have but a tiny leg on which to stand here, but how moronic does a person have to be to think it's clever to trespass on some celebrity's property? What in the damn world are they thinking? That Miss Conrad's gonna come out the damn house and invite them in for tea? No children, she's going to do as she should and sic her security team on that idiot. Seriously

Anyhoo, when she decamped for a posh apartment tower on Wilshire Boulevard, she put her house Hollywood out for lease at $11,000 per month. We have no idea if Miss Conrad leased out or ever moved back into her house. Whatever the case she's decided to sell it.

listing photo: 360 Realty

Late Afternoon Pick Up Number One

Last week Your Mama piggybacked on British reports that pegged Russian multi billionaire and well-known trophy property collector Roman Abramovich as the buyer of a titanic 15-bedroom mansion in London's heavily fortified Kensington Palace Gardens enclave.

Newer reports confirm–or at least appear to confirm–that not quite divorced but newly out of the closet Belgian hedge hog Pierre LaGrange has indeed sold his palatial pile to Mister Abramovich for an inexpressibly staggering £90,000,000, an amount Your Mama's currency conversion contraption calculates as $144,470,000US at today's rates.

Mister Abramovich owns more extraordinarily expensive properties around the world that Your Mama cares to count and Monsieur LaGrange will have to endure what some expect to be one of Britain's costliest divorces before he knows just how much he can spend on an engagement ring for his new man-beau, double-named fashion designer Roubi L'Roubi.

Second Time Around for Flipping Out's Jeff Lewis

BUYER: Jeff Lewis
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,625,000
SIZE: 3,730 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: On last night's season finale of Flipping Out, reality television's most anal retentive and deliciously mean-humored real estate entrepreneur Jeff Lewis bought himself a new house in Los Angeles. He plans, as per the show, not to flip the property for a profit but rather to shack up on a permanent basis with his much younger and excedingly well-groomed man-mate/business affairs task master Gage Edward. The persnickety pair will share the house with live-in reality tee-vee superstar/housekeeper Zoila Chavez and their extensive menagerie that includes some of the cutest canines Your Mama has ever seen.

As was made hay of on the boob-toob last night, this is not the first time leviathan-lipped Mister Lewis has owned this particular property. Way back in March 2004 Mister Lewis paid $1,265,000 for the quirky hillside house that sits right on the border of but not technically in the Oaks neighborhood in Los Feliz. The house, built in 1937, carries with it a bit of architectural provenance as it was originally designed by much-coveted SoCal architect Wallace Neff.

Back in the mid-Noughts Mister Lewis was still in the then-lucrative business of flipping houses with his one-time b.f. and former b.f.f., nice, gay decorator Ryan Brown. He/they gave the house an extensive renovation that included knocking down a wall or two, working over the kitchen and bathrooms, and installing a small swimming pool and spa impressively engineered into the steep slope that rises from the rear of the residence.

The erstwhile house flippers first listed the re-worked home in November 2005 and public records show it was acquired in June 2006 for $2,795,000 by a pair of gentleman with professional ties to the entertainment industry. The two men hung on to the house until the fall of 2010 when, for reasons we know not a thing about, they let it slip into the gaping maw of foreclosure.

The bank first put the foreclosed home back on the market in early 2011 with an asking price of $1,849,000. On the show the house was priced at $1,799,000. And, for a short time, it was listed at that number. However, according to Redfin the asking price eventually dropped to $1,725,000 before Mister Lewis swooped in and closed on the property in late July (2011) for $1,625,000.

Listing information indicates the mustard-colored clapboard-side traditional–which from a certain angle looks to Your Mama like it's grinning like a Cheshire cat–sits on a steeply sloped .36-acre parcel, measures in at 3,730 square feet, and contains three bedrooms and 3 bathrooms plus a possibly un-permitted half bath on the lower level.

This house, children, is not for the weak hearted or glutially undeveloped. No siree, Bob. Not only is the front door located on the second level of the home, getting to the damn front door requires a time-consuming and physically torturous slog up a snake-like brick stairway that meanders up the hillside, across the yard and around the front of the house. We can only imagine how Zoila might feel about Mister Lewis making her haul groceries and schlep garbage up and down the slope that climbs steeply from the street to the house but we do know deep in our dark heart that the mere mention of living in a home with so many stairs would cause our exercise averse house gurl Svetlana to spend the next few days plotting her stair-hating vengeance on Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter.

Misters Lewis and Edward yakked a lot on the most recent season of Flipping Out about having babies, otherwise known as "gaybies" in high-Homospeak. Mister Lewis stated he wants Zoila to transition from being their house maid to being their live-in nanny. Forgive Your Mama for putting our nose up in Mister Lewis' domestic affairs but if Zoila is to be the nanny he'll surely need to hire the agéd but newly face-lifted lady a strapping young assistant to heave and hoe the baby buggy up and down all those stairs. He's a giddy sort of sadist to be sure but he does not really expect Zoila to carry a baby and a Bugaboo up and down the side of the goddam Matterhorn every day, does he?

Anyhoo, as best as we can tell from our online research, the house has a somewhat unusual floor plan with the primary living spaces divided up between the two floors. The second level center entrance hall leads into an impressively long formal living room that stretches the full depth of the house from front to back and features hardwood floors, a heavy wood-beamed ceiling, leaded glass windows, and a wood-burning fireplace with wonderfully over-sized firebox and monumentally-scaled Art Deco mantel.

In order for guests and residents to get from the second floor formal living room to the formal dining room they must descend to the lower level where the dining room occupies an elegant semi-circular room with a perfect pair of leaded glass French doors that open to a narrow, boxwood-lined terrace with tree top and and city views. Although many of the home original architectural details remain, such as the heavenly diamond patterned leaded glass windows and French doors throughout the house, it appears to Your Mama's that Mister Lewis' 2004-2005 renovation of the house included opening up the lower level kitchen to an adjoining room in order to create a larger more modern open plan eat-in kitchen/family room.

The new and improved center-island kitchen has gleaming white Shaker-style cabinets, marble counter tops, grey-toned tile back splash, and a full complement of high-grade commercial-style stainless steel appliances that include a glass-fronted fridge, 36-inch Viking brand range and a built-in coffee/espresso maker by Miele. Leaded glass French doors open the room to an outdoor dining deck shrouded in shrubbery and shaded by mature trees and a vine-draped pergola that stylistically ties in the the previously-mentioned vine-draped pergola that shades a portion of the brick patio on top of the detached two-car garage.

Back up on the second floor the master suite features a bay window with built-in bench perfect for book reading and star gazing. A fireplace with contemporary tile hearth is surrounded by glass-fronted cabinets that we assume are original to the residence. The basket weave black and white marble tile floor and the pedestal sink in the master bathroom speaks back to the home's 1930s roots but was thoroughly updated with a exhibitionist-friendly, party-sized shower that includes multiple shower heads. Misters Lewis and Edward talked at length about how a second bedroom adjacent to the master bedroom would make a perfect nursery. Could there already be a baby on the way for these two gay gents? Bueller? Bueller? Anyone?

An intimately-scaled den on the second floor has a curving kiva-like corner fireplace with brick hearth, built-in book shelves, and leaded glass French doors that open to the the brick patio the runs along the back of the house between the elevated plunge-sized swimming pool and inset spa. Additional terraces that form deep steps in the hillside provide additional outdoor space for sunbathing beds, market umbrellas and potted plants, all of which will need to be tended to and dusted daily by Mister Lewis' tattooed houseman Jett.

As we mentioned before, Mister Lewis claims he'd like to settle down in this house for the long family-raising haul. However, Mister Lewis is the poster child for what Your Mama likes to call The (Celebrity) Real Estate Fickle and no matter what he says we fully expect he'll get ants in his real estate pants within two years. That's just the way he is. It's a disease only cured by a lack of funds and with his business booming and the endorsements rolling in it looks like it'll be quite some time before Mister Lewis lacks the paper to buy and sell multimillion dollar homes on a whim or suggestion.
Since sometime last year Mister Lewis and his entourage have lived and worked in a rented residence in West Hollywood, CA, just a few short blocks from the Beverly Center mall and the Pacific Design Center. Although very centrally located, the hedged and gated mock-Med was an odd choice given that it's situated in a neighborhood where single family homes and apartment buildings are slammed mercilessly up against each other.

Your Mama managed to dig up an old listing for the 3 bedroom and 3 bathroom house that shows at the time Mister Lewis leased it the landscaping was lackluster at best and inside there was a whole mess of very ordinary beige tile, beige granite and beige cabinetry that all looks like the sort of thing a builder buys on sale at Home Depot. The house was listed for lease at $5,500 per month but we really have no idea what amount Mister Lewis coughed up for the privilege of occupancy. From the looks of things on his tee-vee program, Mister Lewis had both the front and back yards re-landscaped and threw some paint and wallpaper around in crucial areas in a valiant effort to keep if from looking too much like the suburban tract house set down in the mixed-use heart of West Hollywood that it is.

SPECIAL NOTE FROM YOUR MAMA: We would like to take a moment to offer Mister Lewis a heartfelt and sincere thank you. We recently had lunch with our friend and informant Babbling Babette who told us about a brief questionnaire printed in the September 2011 issue of Angeleno magazine in which Mister Lewis–whom we have never met nor communicated with–named our little online endeavor as his "Must-Visit Blog." Why, thank you baby. That was nice of you to give Your Mama a kindly shout out.

True story...Interestingly and ironically, rail thin actress Christina Ricci appears on the cover of the magazine. Once upon a time Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter lived in a large duplex apartment in New York City once occupied by Miss Ricci. Technically the apartment belonged to her mother but on occasion we would open our miniscule mailbox to find expensive looking invitations to posh events and swanky store openings addressed to the accomplished actress.

listing photos: Coldwell Banker / Beverly Hills North
street photo: Google Maps

A Pair of Afternoon Delights Number One

Okay, well, we're not sure how delightful these afternoon tidbits are perhaps they'll keep your real estate appetites whetted for a while longer.

The fine folks at Trulia Luxe Living recently reported that actor/sci-fi writer Bruce Boxleitner (Tron, Scarecrow and Mrs. King) and actress/former SAG president Melissa Gilbert (Little House on the Prairie) have their very-ordinary and quite-modest-by-celebrity-standards house in high-suburban Tarzana, CA on the market with a reduced asking price of $1,195,000. The couple recently announced they will be divorced. Wouldn't it be strange, children, to feel compelled to put out a press release every time you married, dated or divorced? Such are, perhaps, the sometimes high and frustrating costs of celebrity. Anyhoo...

listing photos: Trulia

A Pair of Afternoon Delights Number Two

Again, we're not sure how delightful these afternoon tidbits are perhaps they'll keep your real estate appetites whetted for a while longer.
Earlier today our compadres at Curbed presented an epic (and ultimately pyrrhic) 40,000-ish square foot mega-mansion in Fort Washington, PA–that's outside of Philly, folks–that recently clanked and clamored on the market with a pearl-clutching $30,000,000 price tag.

While thirty million smackers is an astronomical amount of money by any standard, the owner–a "ruined credit card tycoon" named Dennis Alter–reportedly spent a truly unnerving $80,000,000 to design, build and furnish his 6 bedroom and 8 bathroom beast of a house.

Have mercy! Somebody run quick and get Your Mama a nerve pill. Lowerd, children, it may not be unheard of for someone to spend such a sum to build a especially massive monument to their wealth but we still go bug-eyed with flabbergast and financial disbelief when those sorts of sums are bandied about in connection to a single private residence.

The sprawling, civic center-sized contemporary was conceived by the bold, exceedingly prolific and much lauded Uruguayan-born/U.S.-based architect Rafael Viñoly. Built on 70 acres, the massive mansion encircles a colossal stone courtyard perhaps more than a little influenced by European piazzas.

In addition to the main house, the expansive pastoral property encompasses two restored stone farmhouses that overlook a private pond, a tennis pavilion and a corporate retreat-sized "Play House" outfitted to the gills with exercise room, changing rooms with showering facilities, and an indoor tennis court plus a two-bedroom apartment perfect for the on-site housing of a thick-thighed tennis pro and a body fat-free fitness instructor.

listing photos: Christies International Real Estate

Michael Bay Bails in Montecito

SELLER: Michael Bay
LOCATION: Montecito, CA
PRICE: $6,800,000
SIZE: 5,431 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 4 full and 2 half bathrooms (total)

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Action film director/producer Michael Bay (The Rock, Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, the Transformers franchise) has gotten a lot flack in the Tinseltown trade papers and snarky movie blogs over the years for being a hack, an honest-to-goodness no-talent whose professional forte leans towards hiring pin-thin model-hot women and making scores of things blow up in a cinematically exhilarating manner.

Your Mama does not have an opinion of Mister Bay's film making talents–or alleged lack thereof–since we can honestly say we've never seen a single one of his many films. Film making hack or not, Mister Bay's notoriously high-octane action flicks have grossed billions of dollars and, although we suspect it's, a bit high, some online outlets peg the movie makers net worth at as much as half a billion bucks. We make no claim as to Mister Bay's actual net worth but we can say property records indicate the man has ample dough-re-mi to buy and maintain a hefty handful of modern mansions in some of the most expensive (and celebrity stocked) zip codes in the United States.

Thanks to an informant we'll call I.M. Uhsnitch Your Mama has come to learn that Mister Bay recently opted to lighten his heavy real estate load and listed an airy contemporary tucked privately into a hilly slope in high-brow Montecito, CA with an asking price of $6,800,000. Our limited poke through publicly available online records did not turn up a purchase price for the property but considering that Mister Bay bought the somewhat secluded 1.3 acre estate way back in early 1997 we can all be assured he stands to make a small fortune upon the sale.

Listing information shows the voluminous mansion, designed by Santa Barbara-based architect Jan Hochhauser, measures 5,431 square feet and includes a total of 4 bedrooms and 4 full and 2 half bathrooms. The main house, an L-shaped cluster of square and rectangular masses of varying size, contains both of the half bathrooms and 3 of the bedrooms, each of which has an en suite terliting and bathing facility. The remaining bedroom and bathroom are located in the detached guest cabana perched in the tree tops off to one side of the swimming pool and spa.

A long gated drive winds up through the thickly treed grounds to a large motor court with front-facing attached three-car garage. A powerful pair of towering vertical planes of glass block partially shielded by a magnificent mature eucalyptus tree and a small steel awning mark the main entrance to the house. We know there will be many children who whine and complain about these massive glass block insets. Certainly Your Mama would not recommend a person do this in their house today, but perhaps this house is probably best seen through the architectural goggles of the early 1990s when the concrete, steel and glass residence was designed and built..

A slightly curved and sky lit foyer organizes and connects the main rooms on the lower level of the two story house. For better or worse, most of the floors in most of the house are covered in slate-colored tiles that we imagine are far more expensive and materially exclusive than that description makes them sound. At least one of the bedrooms has wall-to-wall carpeting and there is a chocolate brown hardwood floor inset into the prairie like floor in the family room.

Art gallery white walls are broken by broad swathes of sliding glass doors in the eat-in kitchen and living and dining room that all open to the multifunctional terrace that extends from the back of the house into the lushly landscaped yard and the panoramic views beyond.

The unusually vast family room, the architectural red meat of the residence, is defined by a pair of barrel vaulted sky lights set into the ceiling of the double height space, the high-drama sort of element one might more readily expect to find in a shopping mall and not in a mansion in Montecito. The room sits discreetly between the kitchen and garage/service areas of the house where it's almost divorced from the dramatic panoramic ocean vistas available from the rear of the house. For what it's worth–and it ain't worth a damn thing–Your Mama thinks the room has more in common architecturally with the frequent flyer lounge of an international airport than it does a private residence in one of the most expensive residential enclaves in all of California. That does not mean we hate the room. We don't. But is not, hunnies, let's be honest, an easy room to love iffin your idea of a perfect Friday night at home is curled up into a cozy corner with a book and a bowl of penny candy. We do, it shall be noted, appreciate the fireplace, built-in entertainment cabinets, wet bar, and adjoining shaded dining/barbecue patio that bring necessary human-scale elements to a room.
A quick perusal of the floor plan (above) shows the three upstairs bedrooms are privately situated in two wings connected by a balcony/bridge cantilevered out over the void above the family room beneath the barrel vaulted sky lights. One wing contains two family bedrooms, each with private bathroom and one with access to a substantial patio and rose garden on top of the garage. Privacy lovers will appreciate the master suite which occupies its own separate wing and includes a large bedroom with sitting area plus two private balconies, one that overlooks the motor court and another that juts out over the dining terrace below and provides unimpeded views of the Pacific Ocean and the outline of the Channel Islands along the horizon. The attached bathroom features separate sinks and vanities, terlit cubby, exercise area and two walk-in closets of generous proportions. The jetted soaking tub and shower both have direct ocean views through a wide band of glass that framelessly wraps around the outside corner of the shower.

The lower level of Mister Bay's Montecito mansion opens seamlessly to a u-shaped terrace with dining, lounging and sunbathing sections. The terrace, some sort of stone tile laid at a 45-degree angle to the house, has a narrow border of perfectly manicured lawn that wraps around an infinity edged swimming pool and inset spa.

A bantam studio-style guest/pool house offers an approximately 400 square foot sky lit living area with built in cabinetry, a wet bar, private bathroom, and a wall of floor to ceiling windows with views across the swimming pool to the ocean and Channel Islands in the far distance.

In addition to his no longer wanted mansion in Montecito Mister Bay also owns several posh properties in Los Angeles plus a thoroughly modern mansion in Miami Beach, FL that he bought in August 2007 for $17,000,000. The titanic 17,339 square foot pile sits directly on the Intracoastal Waterway and contains an astonishing 11 bedrooms and 11.5 bathrooms. It could be noted here that Mister Bay is single–or, at least, unmarried and without children. As far as Your Mama is concerned, 11 bedrooms and 11.5 bathrooms just seems so lonely for one person but we're funny that way maybe. Anyhoo, some of the children who have been around the celebrity real estate block a time or two with Your Mama may recall that Mister Bay bought his behemoth beach house in Miami from former professional wrestler turned showbiz fixture and frequent tabloid fodder Hulk Hogan. Mister Bay eventually had the monumentally-scaled house photographed for the glossy pages of Elle Decor.

In 1999, on the financial successes brought by The Rock in 1996 and Armageddon in 1998, Mister Bay shelled out a very a-list $5,160,000 for a boxy white contemporary crib with 4 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms in 7,919 square feet in the real estate heart of Bel Air, directly north of the very posh Bel Air Country Club. Views over the Bel Air Country Club and Los Angeles.

In late 2005 the hot chick dater scooped up another residence in Los Angeles, this one west of the 405 freeway in the rustic Mandeville Canyon area between the Brentwood and Pacific Palisades communities. Property records shows the gated house–also a boxy white modern thing set into a thick stand of trees–measures a comparatively modest but hardly small 3,248 square feet with 3 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms. We have no idea why Mister Bay bought a second luxury residence just a few miles from is other one in Bel Air but such are the sometimes inexplicable real estate ways of the rich and famous.

Perhaps not content with the two homes he already owned in Los Angeles, Mister Bay went house hunting again in 2009. We don't know how many houses he looked at but eventually he settled on an iconic and well-known low-slung contemporary in Bel Air built in 1951 and dramatically sited on a nearly five acre promontory on some of the most hallowed real estate grounds in all of Los Angeles.

Mister Bay purchased the spectacular if outdated compound for $10,900,000 from the estate of well-known and extraordinarily well-connected west coast philanthropist and socialite Marion Jorgensen and her previously deceased second husband, steel magnate Earle Jorgensen. Rumors immediately began to swirl through the real estate community that Mister Bay planned to raze the Jorgensen residence and replace it with his own version of multimillion dollar residential heaven. Your Mama isn't sure what exactly Mister Bay intends to erect on the site but we do know that he has indeed torn down the multi-winged single-story house and its various outbuildings that once contained a total of 7 bedrooms and 7.5 bathrooms.

If all the boxy moderns that remain in Mister Bay's property portfolio are a hint as to what his new house in Bel Air might look like Your Mama would bet our long-bodied bitches Linda and Beverly there's a big boxy modern in the works with voluminous rooms and vast expanses of windows that blur psychological and actual divisions between the interior and exterior living spaces. We shall see, buttons, we shall just have to wait and see.

A little additional looking around on the interweb tells us we are not and hardly the first pony out of the gate at this particular celebrity real estate rodeo. C'est la vie, butter beans.

listing photos and floor plan: Sotheby's International Realty